Friday, February 27, 2009

Shave Your Lip, Genius!

Most of us know that there is left brain thinking and right brain thinking. Get this though. There is the possibility of synchronizing your left and right hemispheres, so that you will become (for only 29.95) a genius. I purchased some Brain sync CDs a few years ago to fine tune the process, to help me develop psychic abilities, and to further my spiritual development. The first time I listened to the Cds, it was a very enlightening experience. It was almost an out of body type thing. I honestly went to different places, saw different things, it was intense.

To further my development - and I thought up this idea on my own; hey I’m no slouch - I started practicing writing with my left hand. I’m right handed of course, though I need to practice with the right as well, as many people can’t read my writing. So one night, after about 45 minutes with the tapes (I just gave my age away, earlier I called them ‘CDs’, Ha!) So after 45 minutes or so with the tapes, I began writing with my left hand. I wrote, initially, simple things, the alphabet, my name, whatever. Then, as I got better, I started to write the following:

“I am a genius, I am a genius, I am a genius.”

I kept on and on. Like a kid in trouble at school who has to write on the blackboard. I must have written it 100 times (OCD, untreated, hee-hee.) After the lesson, I decided to keep the paper, as proof of my genius abilities.

By the way, I like paper. I don’t like killing trees and I do recycle, but the tangible aspect of pen and paper… I can’t put it into words now. That would require another entry. Anyway, a few weeks later I was shuffling some papers around. I needed to write myself a note. I am, as with paper, addicted to notes. They help to organize ones thoughts. In spite of the subsequent clutter, pen, paper, and notes to myself, serve me very well.

So I found what I thought to be, at the time, a blank piece of paper. I wrote a note to myself, a reminder. I wrote:

“Shave your lip.”

This was a reminder to trim my goatee. The mustache part had grown slightly out over my upper lip, looking like tiny spider legs or something, just peaking out over my lip. Yuk! Since I’m a procrastinator, I did not shave the lip right away. That was the purpose of the note; to remind me to do it later. I always say,

“Put off till tomorrow everything you possibly can, so today you can listen to brain sync tapes and watch VH1 specials.”

Another couple weeks goes by and I find the note to trim my mustache, except this time I notice a faint impression, clearly some writing on the other side of the paper. I flip it over and what do I find? Proof of my blended mind, my synced up hemispheres, as well as proof of my own genius. We always believe what we read, right? Well there it was

“I am a genius.”

I had a brief moment of elation, then I wondered

“Did I ever shave my lip?” (Trim the mustache)

I look in the mirror to see, what appeared to be tarantula legs, growing, crawling from my upper lip, reaching over, slightly downward.

“Oh dear God help me. Here I am a bona fide genius and I look like this?”

It was at this time I decided to start growing my hair out, long like it was when I was teen, but I would perm it, up high and wild, all crazy. I would become Einstein. So, when I go gray, watch out! It’s the crazed look I’ll be going for. And to heck with shaving or trimming the upper lip. A true genius does not worry with such trifles!

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