Oprah's Free Chicken

Not long ago, a few months really, my mother got very excited by something she heard about Oprah Winfrey and free chicken. For many days, all discussions with my mom involved Oprah's free chicken. We discussed if the rumor might be true and if there was, in fact, any free chicken. We conducted Internet research, polled friends and other family members, we even tried to call Oprah. As you might guess, one can not easily "call Oprah." We finally determined that there was in fact free chicken from Oprah. She had not cooked the said chicken, but it was available from KFC.


On a bright Saturday afternoon, a few days after the "Oprah's free chicken" rumor started, we went to KFC. The place was packed. We presented coupons that my mom had forced me to locate online. I used the word "forced" but I had been happy to locate the chicken coupons, in order to prevent my mother's suicide. Mom was now very excited. She felt a connection, somehow, with Oprah. She was so proud and she smiled broadly as she handed the manager the coupons for Oprah's free chicken. You can imagine how distraught she was when they told us that they had run out of Oprah chicken. They had regular chicken, yes, but any chicken having to do with Oprah, or with the word "free" was not available.

We were instructed to fill out a form, after which another coupon would be mailed to us. Upon bearing the NEW coupon, we could then procure some of Oprah's free chicken. Flash forward to last week... Mail man arrives. My mother, according to neighbors, faints at the mailbox. The new coupons from KFC had arrived. A new bond with Oprah had been established and she was (we were) one step closer to Oprah's free chicken.

On Wednesday of this week, we entered the same KFC. We were both bolder this time, somehow more determined. We had the Official, "for real" for real coupon which entitled us to some of Oprah's mouthwatering, show stopping, no holds barred, FREE Fu***** chicken! (my words, not Mom's.) This time the manger graciously accepted the coupons. As with most coupon though, there was fine print. We were subject to the managers discretion on the pieces of chicken, as well as the sides. My mother was in luck, she got a wing and a breast, along with mashed potatos and cole slaw. This would have been her perfect choice! Oh, they threw in a biscuit. Not only did we get free and delicious chicken touted by Oprah Winfrey, along with two side orders, but we got a biscuit!

To Be Continued...

I borrowed the above image from The Count, WITHOUT permission. If they sue me I will be greatly disheartened, as I have no money to pay them with.