I’m concerned about my yard. “It needs a haircut” I think to myself, as I give a lazy gaze from my living room window on a Saturday afternoon. I’m not delaying the actual chore, just viewing the situation in a whole new way. “It’s bushy and tousled” I continue to myself. “It looks like a freshly wakened head of hair.”
Maybe I should call a local barber. It’s not too long really, just needs a little off the top and a trim around the edges. A basic cut should do it. You know, to make it clean and presentable. It suffers from a severe cowlick though. Just in front of the flower bed there is an unruly tuft of weeds that may require further attention. It sprouts there regularly, and grows much faster than the rest of the yard.
There’s a bald spot too, off lonely in one corner of the yard. What a sad little brown patch. Upon closer inspection, I notice split ends creeping up here and there. These blades are slender, much finer than the rest of the lawn, and grow in small bunches. What’s a good shampoo for slit ends, I wonder? My girlfriend probably knows, but I won’t ask because I don’t want to see the rolling eyes again;
I’m growing more worried now as I notice long defiant strands that sprawl out unattractively, encroaching the curb and driveway. These slender knotted braids are a real eyesore; and bold little things! How bombastic!. This yard is completely rebellious. Now I know it needs a good stylist, and not just a generic cut.
I reach for the phone book to find the best salon for the job when my girlfriend hollers out “Haven’t you started the yard yet?” I give a deep sigh, then reply, “Okay dear, I’m on my way.” I’m not properly trained to cut hair, I think to myself, as I head for the garage.